Is Vulnerable Narcissism Sabotaging Your Relationship, Unknowingly? Carpe Diem

Let me ask you this

  1. Did you first have a series of relationships with people you are very interested in, that ended?
  2. Did you start thinking because they are “out of your league” (popular & outgoing, good looking, etc.), they were hard to influence, so you begin to believe that even if I say the right things, at the right time, I can never have the security I need?
  3. Did you begin to compare yourself to your ‘competitors’ who you perceive to be inferior, in order to boost your self-confidence?
  4. Did those past heartache experiences make you start thinking I should find a partner who I feel wants me more than I do?
  5. Did you begin thinking I should be the “one-up” partner who could do better but is choosing not to, as Dean C. Delis, author of The Passion Trap, puts it?
  6. Did the unhealed past relationship wounds inside you stay unhealed because you maneuvered around those wounds by just finding a “one”-down” significant-other?
  7. Did you let these unhealed wounds inside you come out to the forefront through projection?
  8. Did you first think of the “one-down” as the right partner, and you have found yourself developing more and emotions for them naturally slowly, but then you started saying, to yourself and others, that you feel are over them?
  9. If you thought that you were the “one-up,” did you never begin to realize over time that if you are always the “one-up,” and they always the ‘one-down,’ neither of you is growing?
  10. Do you have an exact script to what to do for everything that makes you “superior” to hide rather than heal your inner lack?

Is it sabotaging all your relationships?

  • Does your anxiety prevent you from enjoying in the moment love out of fear that they might walk away?
  • Does that anxiety give you the need to run away before they do?
  • Do you always find yourself thinking about what might not work out than might work out?
  • Do you always think of the ‘New Supply’ of partners out there?

You are cheating on your present moment with your past

The constant ghost of the better unknown

And if you don’t have a new supply/someone that’s really in your life,

You still think to yourself, at least I know who I have my eye on,

but isn’t that sabotage

You understandably project on the relationship to soothe that anxiety of the unknown

Again finding” yourself thinking about what might not work out than might work out”…

The current

This may not be a lie to yourself

Neither it is true

Maybe because you perceived that they were a certain type of person at the beginning of the relationship.

Still now

You may do believe they will finally get their act together. But you don’t feel like continuing at the moment, you sabotage…


You feel about them differently.


Your perception of their actions or attitude — you feel like this isn’t the person I thought I want; you feel they became something different.

The truth is:

Their behavior might still be wrong, but the way they process the feedback became healthier.

Maybe they were at the beginning empath

What is Empath?

If they acquire empathy skills as adults, it is usually a byproduct of a certain or general crisis that leads them into the path of deep self-awareness.

As they become more self-aware, they should have become more empathetic first to themselves (many times they don’6, and then they vainly try to rescue just their partner).

So when they see someone with who they empathize, they feel the need to overplay the rescuer.

They suppress, and they suppress their feels, all of a sudden one day to kind of just either they are going to unleash and react very irrationally all of a sudden, get over upset,

or withdraw.

How you might have seen this in your relationship with them?

The proverbial boat is rocked anyway in the form of occasional fights about possibly unrelated issues.

It takes time until they realize that it didn’t really help you when they try to be your rescuer because they see that what they were trying to do is fix your problems and not let you come to those conclusions yourself.

That realization was their first to become a healthier version of themselves

How did they become ‘healthier?’

They adopted a self-directed stance

Now they have a generally relaxed view toward others’ approval or disapproval.

They begin to think, “we are all flawed; I’ll continue my personal growth with my loved one and support theirs if they needed me to.

But because you have unhealed wounds from past relationships that you worked around, you don’t see it now this way.

You projected

The pain of your past unhealed wounds still makes you want to deflect what it … that you’re really feeling now

It’s a lot less painful (in the short-term) to maybe blame the relationship with them as the reason you feel this way

If that’s your case, you have to own that and rebuild yourself with a patient and willing significant-other

As you do, the relationship’s dynamic will change, and you will feel joy day in and day out!





Interest in FinTech, Deep Tech, Social Psychology, Neuroscience & Neuropsychology, Health and Longivity, and Global Polictics.

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Mark Justin

Mark Justin

Interest in FinTech, Deep Tech, Social Psychology, Neuroscience & Neuropsychology, Health and Longivity, and Global Polictics.